holy. smokes.

byebyebye

goodbye 2013. another year closer to death. im spending this glorious evening with math problems and a pack of black and milds.

i hate labels. just make the video without the labels.

i think im the only one in the world that can truly understand and appreciate this video.

yeah. yeah. yeah.

math. you cruel beast.

NEVER in my LIFE have i been made to feel as violated and humiliated as math has made me feel. seriously. it is demented. the more i do it the better i get. but it sucks the life out of me. this is like some kind of black hole warped quick sand relationship that i have signed my life away to.

i make dua that my husband is some super math genius that does all my math for me for the rest of my life inshAllah. and actually HELPS me understand it and love it. ameen. SAVE ME LORD. ill bake him cakes and kiss him in abundance in exchange. yes i will. 

sayantan and jesse cannot even help me. im a lost cause. im jealous of them. they could take over the world EASILY if they wanted to with their brilliant minds (if they weren't so introverted). i love the introverted and socially awkward. 

mmhmm, i know thas right

visceral obesity.

everyone deserves to be on something

oh boy.

hmp comic relief

i can't decide if this advertisement is working to deconstruct societally crafted ideas of masculinity or reinforce them. im cracking up nonetheless. best picture ever.

Masculinity Defined:

These are my very subjective constructs on the idea of masculinity.  This list also coincides with my subjective constructs of the idea of femininity.  And that coincides with my idea of being a decent human being. Here we go:

1) Having a motorcycle
2) Saving a person if you see them distressed and can do something about it
3) Being honest
4) Being dependable
5) Being gregarious
6) Being witty/charming/smart/funny
7) Being physically well maintained and strong
8) Admitting your weaknesses
9) Being straight up and transparent
10) Being clear about your feelings
11) Providing for your family
12) Being passionate and loving
13) Not caring what others think
14) Being brave
15) Sticking by your significant other during hard times
16) Giving your family and friends as many hugs and kisses as they want whenever they want
17) Being good in math
18) Knowing how to repair stuff and being technologically savvy
19) Being snuggly and knowing how to tell the best bed time stories
20) Knowing how to cook and clean
21) Being forgiving
22) Speaking the truth
23) Being faithful and loyal

biostats final on monday. it's snowing. im cold. i need to make some soup.

my all time favorite.

gingerbread man

hello,

i wanted to write to you after finals were over but i simply could not resist. while i type i am fully aware that whether you choose to respond or not, how you choose to respond, and the quality of your response could all send me into a multitude of crazy spirals of reaction with implications of cognitive and emotional frenzy and dissonance. even death. even ecstasy. 

i want to see you and talk to you. i want you to show me how to play settlers of catan. i want to see what shoes you are wearing and what you have in your backpack. i want to stare into your face as your nose twitches in the beautiful way that it does. i want you to push me while i sit on your hammock. i want to burn stacks of paper with you in a metal barbecue. i want to go grocery shopping with you in our grungy mismatched pajamas. i want to walk with you as the snowflakes fall around us. i want you to eat my leftovers. i want to color in your coloring book. i want to massacre you in hangman. i want to find you in secluded parts of 24 hour computer labs that only the socially awkward yet brilliant frequent. i want to drink super sweet iced tea with you and run the risk of getting diabetes. i want to laugh with you in my car as we listen to music and i give you headaches from listening to 90s boy bands. i want to eat cheese fries with you in a hospital cafeteria. i want to tease you and hear your sometimes shrill and sometimes nasally voice. i want to find you laying on the grass in secret backyard gardens. i want to wipe the crumbs off your mouth with my napkin. i want you to be my salsa partner. i want to see you in your sweaters. i want to see me in your sweaters. i want to tell you all my weird jokes that only you get. i want to bury you in the sand and jump on top of the mound. i want to manicure your fingernails. i want to call you my best friend again. hang out with me. please.

i will be in virginia for winter break.  

and the level of this connection is very real, powerful, and undeniable for me even though we are not in close proximity of each other. is this how life goes on?