Pseudo Reality

I get these really crazy headaches now... I think they are like psychologically induced tension headaches... Mommy thinks that its from me tying my hijab too tightly.. But I know for sure they are not throbbing or sharp in nature... Its like a constant dull warm pain that ferments near my eye sockets and floats up to my forehead and back towards the rest of my skull. I don't think that constitutes as a migraine threat... Hafeez told me to relax before I erode my brain... but I think it might be too late for that... Allahu Alim...

Anyways.. I am just in Charlottesville currently taking summer classes... I don't know how I am going to get through another semester here. Asma and myself are currently in Thornton... its nice having the place to ourselves, Alhumdulilah. It is nice to settle in the moment and relax in the security of that instant. Today, Asma was telling Shahed (her future business partner, hah) in the car that she is going back to UAE towards the end of August... and man, it really hit me that she is leaving... Not only that, but things are constantly changing... incessant fluctuations. There is no sense of grounding yourself in this pseudo-reality.

And then it made me think that things will really be changing... to a very expansive degree. Shareef is going to Detroit to start a beautiful life with his awesome wife inshAllah, Hafeez will be off to his own residency in a year... and Mommy may or may not decide to stay with me wherever I end up... which is still unbeknownst to me. I have some idea of what I want to do, which I am going to keep a secret for now until a more solid plan forms inshAllah... but it seems like I am floating on utter uncertainty and shifty potential scenarios. But really, how is that different from if I really did have some grounding in this pseudo-reality?

I wonder why I have to be here another semester. InshAllah it wont be too rough. Keep me in your duas you guys.

(btw, I have 2-3 other posts I have been meaning to put up... related to umrah, pakistan, collective singularity, tawakul, etc etc....) InshAllah after this summer class I will catch up on the postings that everyone is probably too busy to read anyways ;)