thank you Allah

Time here in Doha is winding down. I know being here has been a very precious and sacred time. I came here to learn Arabic, but I am realizing I am going to be leaving with much more. I always felt that a large portion of my undergraduate years were bogged down by a mix of excruciating events... kind of a sad and silly sham. I remember it as a time that I struggled to enjoy. My time at QU has given me much needed peace of mind Alhumdulilah rabil alameen.

imagination almost killed me

i left that stench behind, i left that filth behind

im never gonna take another sip of your poison

i remember how i lived in your piles of crap

like we were on some great adventure

i would sift through for years hoping to find something worth keeping

i made gems from trash

and even now sometimes i think i almost found something worth keeping

but then i realize thats just remnants of the craziness you poisoned me with

the misery you shoved down my throat

we lived in a landfill

i will never stay in that again, unless my dead body is carried there

its hard when your addicted to the poison

but somehow i found the partial remedy for the poison of no recovery

i still get pangs of withdrawal, the damage will plague me to the grave

i know better now, but its hard

my imagination tends to take over, but now i know

ill save my fantasy goggles and diamond in the rough digging gear for another place

im never returning to your cave

the stench is suffocating, there is the smell of disgust, lies, manipulation, and betrayal

i must have picked up the wrong map that led me to you

ill do anything to stay away from your filth and your disease

purple clouds of delusion

drowning in them, oh, they are so soft and gentle.

the tender ones are mighty delicious.

i have become especially good at making gourmet cuisine from their insecurities.

stealing them and devouring them, injesting it all.

making it part of myself.

their laughs and smiles are tinkling bells.

feather like caresses that flutter around my heart.

they can't hurt me with their sugary ways.

every curve is pulling me in.

wisps of hair that i can twirl around my fingers.

sensitivity and vulnerability that i can feel.

my nose snuggles into sweet fragrant shoulders.

your doing the same as me, only differently.

we are both drowning in them.

i build.

you destroy.

i destroy myself to build them.

to build you.

you destroyed me.

you will destroy them.

you will destroy yourself.

call me a hypocrite.

somewhere behind the niqab and the beard you forgot how to be a decent human being. after reading all those books, you only learned how to point an accusing finger. you remember to fold up your pants, but you don't remember to help anyone out. oh your too pious for me and my toothbrush, because you only use miswak. you read your mushaf but do you even know what it means? your great at giving khutbahs, but are you practicing what you preach?

your judging the girl without hijab, oh, you must be too good to talk to that nasty being.

what happened to those 70 excuses? give us all a smile. be a little gentle. think before you speak.

or do you call that all haraam? too snooty and stubborn to apologize since your always right my humble friend. will you ever understand the importance of beautiful character? oh yeah, you got the rules and the regulations, but what good are they doing you? are they bringing you closer to Allah? quickly you point out what's wrong with everyone and everything else. don't you see your only labeling and defining yourself? forgive me, i can't pray behind you. and you won't let anyone lead you. keep arguing, prayer time is over. oh yes my friend, i have so much to learn from you!

i learned exactly what not to be.

club-d-o-m-i-n-o---e---f---f---e---c---t

go ahead and tell your tales queen bee

create chaos amongst the masses

kick me out of the hive

ill wait for a real harvest of honey

little girls just cry because they are weak

Every time I see you, I grab on for dear life.

I feel the pain erupt in my chest and I know this won't last.

You think I am a fool, but you don't know what I do.

Maybe you are stronger, maybe you are braver.

Maybe you just don't care.

Maybe you pretend so I don't have to.

You let me cry as much as I want.

I grab on for dear life as I live this moment with you.

It is here, but I spend it knowing we won't last.

My tears are acid falling on your clarity.

They wash away your reality.

I am drowning in my reality.

Then I am alone, even though you are still here.

You leave.

Nothing has changed.

I am still alone.

Addicted to Tragedy

They wouldn't leave me alone.

So I abandoned myself.

They still wanted me to go on and act.

So I told them I forgot all the lines.

None of it mattered, and I was never any kind of star.

I stopped this heart from feeling anything at all.

I joined the audience in the story of my life.

I watched with all the other spectators.

It's too painful to play any of my own parts.

You play them all.

I watched you on the stage, and you're a bad actor.

Much worse than me, but I watched you on my stage.

I'm too scared to play any part.

To scared to let anyone but you play the parts.

You're a really bad actor in the story of my life.

But I want you to play all the parts.

I won't watch anyone else.

sweet slumber

No momma, I'm not lazy... and I'm not depressed.

Everything is just completely fine, can't you see the smile on my face?

Sleeping is just my favorite thing to do.

In dreamland, I get to see them whenever I want.

Mister Sandman even lets me pretend I am dead.

No momma, I 'm not sad and I'm not depressed.

Sleeping is just what I want to do.

black hole loan shark limbo zimbo

Back then, I gave you everything I had. When that ran out, I borrowed from elsewhere to make up for what you thought I didn't have. It wasn't good enough for you then and it isn't good enough now. You will never know what happened to me in that time. Everything I gave you, you threw into the trash. Today, I am still paying for what was never mine to give away.