gingerbread man

hello,

i wanted to write to you after finals were over but i simply could not resist. while i type i am fully aware that whether you choose to respond or not, how you choose to respond, and the quality of your response could all send me into a multitude of crazy spirals of reaction with implications of cognitive and emotional frenzy and dissonance. even death. even ecstasy. 

i want to see you and talk to you. i want you to show me how to play settlers of catan. i want to see what shoes you are wearing and what you have in your backpack. i want to stare into your face as your nose twitches in the beautiful way that it does. i want you to push me while i sit on your hammock. i want to burn stacks of paper with you in a metal barbecue. i want to go grocery shopping with you in our grungy mismatched pajamas. i want to walk with you as the snowflakes fall around us. i want you to eat my leftovers. i want to color in your coloring book. i want to massacre you in hangman. i want to find you in secluded parts of 24 hour computer labs that only the socially awkward yet brilliant frequent. i want to drink super sweet iced tea with you and run the risk of getting diabetes. i want to laugh with you in my car as we listen to music and i give you headaches from listening to 90s boy bands. i want to eat cheese fries with you in a hospital cafeteria. i want to tease you and hear your sometimes shrill and sometimes nasally voice. i want to find you laying on the grass in secret backyard gardens. i want to wipe the crumbs off your mouth with my napkin. i want you to be my salsa partner. i want to see you in your sweaters. i want to see me in your sweaters. i want to tell you all my weird jokes that only you get. i want to bury you in the sand and jump on top of the mound. i want to manicure your fingernails. i want to call you my best friend again. hang out with me. please.

i will be in virginia for winter break.  

and the level of this connection is very real, powerful, and undeniable for me even though we are not in close proximity of each other. is this how life goes on?