i am starting to see things a bit differently. sufism in general a bit differently. atleast my limited understanding of such a lifestyle. and believe me, im the first to admit my exorbitant ignorance at every level. i have met many people who ascribe to such a lifestyle, and in many ways i see it as a reactionary response - a means to dealing or coping with difficulties and challenges... to renounce worldly things. to eliminate the ego and the self, etc etc... all that good stuff (and believe me, this is definitely SOMETHING to experience... in whatever way you are taken on that road... to experience that is something. ya Allah)
okay but what i mean by sufism being a reactionary response... and people adopting such a lifestyle... it is like a person could have dealt with something utterly shattering in their life... the loss of a loved one, witnessing something miraculous, a near death experience, extreme degradation, a hard lifestyle, losing all of ones material security, being attacked, being abused, becoming suicidal, divorce, a break-up, getting fired, etc etc. and then as a means of coping a person chooses to elevate themselves beyond these things which they have linked to 'worldly associations' - duniya. and by transcending attachment to these things.. and learning to live without them, they are perhaps convincing themselves that they are partaking in sufism. how is this then not a reactionary response? okay, but like.. i know you are going to say that so what if it comes as a reactionary response, it is still sufism. honestly, i don't know where this post is going.. or really what im trying to say as i have not developed my own thoughts further.
but i think what im trying to say is that... sufism seems to be a coping mechanism for such challenges. it is not like, a solution. everyone seems to have coping mechanisms... ways to comfort the self and deal with issues of the self. some people drink and do drugs... or gamble... or sleep... or EAT... or shop. you get the point.
in sufism however.. there is a sense of detachment... and like im not sure how to say it... indifference? a kinda floating around. a disengagement. it is a numbing of the SELF. atleast this is what i think. it is making the self a non active participant in one's life almost. and a life is a life given to a person from their Creator. and by such detachment in a way... it is not appreciating the blessing of that life and living it to the fullest. to even sin and feel the pain of that and the sweetness of repetence... that emotion can be numbed. or to sin or even enjoy it. or to do something cool and enjoy it... that would be numbed in every sense. or to LOVE or to DANCE or to CRY... all of that can be numbed and it becomes surreal almost. i am not sure how to describe it. it is like a non emotion, where an emotion or thing should be felt and would be for an active participant in one's own life.
im thinking it is important to embrace the HUMANITY in one's own being. good, bad, hurtful, yucky, marvelous, funny, embarassing, awkward, graceful. it is important to be TRUE to one's self. no matter what. not live in a sense of denial of what a person needs and wants. it is important to be upfront, straight forward, and honest, ESPECIALLY WITH THE SELF. yeah, and i think i will end this post.
and rumi, you will forever be my main man, many shout outs to you:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
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