ode to the angel i met on the dolmuş

i am writing this post in a hurry because it is 2 am and because i do NOT want to forget about what happened today.

i got on the minibus to uskudar like i normally do and was fretting about with all kinds of silly worries and negative thoughts (it has become habitual at this point unfortunately). i must have had a silly look of devastation or sadness on my face and was lost in whatever was going on in my head. i did not even realize there was a precious baby girl sitting next to me on her grandmother's lap. she must have been at least 2 and she was mumbling to herself in turkish and staring at me. she kept kicking my leg with her little pink boot and her grandmother would move her leg away from mine. i finally decided to look her way because the kicks were enjoyable and i totally did not consider them an annoyance as the grandmother might have thought.

oh my GOSH. i turned my face to be greeted by BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES looking up at me. i couldn't help but crack a smile... which was received with the most ADORABLE smile which suddenly broke into a cute giggle/chuckle. ya Allah! i started staring. i could not take my eyes off of this magnificent creation. how perfect was this piece of art, subhanAllah. she was bubbly and giggly and carefree... she was muttering to herself in turkish... oh what i wouldn't have given to understand my new dear friend. we looked at each other longer, with some kind of an understanding. our souls seemed to speak to each other in those few moments and i looked away with tears in my eyes at how beautiful the experience was.

i started to get overwhelmed and did not want to be seen with tears in my eyes so i stopped looking at the child... eventually i got lost in my thoughts again... some weird negativity seeping its way back into my brain. and all this time i heard chipper squeaks coming from my left hand side. eventually the baby, who realized i was being unresponsive decided to be more direct. she started playing with my coat zipper and touching my face. i had to look her way. and then it hit me. this child was reminding me of how i used to be. how we should all be. how sweet and natural and true she is. unhindered by what is not facing her and bringing love and warmth to those she is interacting with. subhanAllah. what an ANGEL. she is beautiful she is real and she did not care about being that or not being that, she was just being.

today that kid taught me so much. Alhumdulilah rabil alameen. i am certain she was an angel sent to me today. after i got off the bus... i walked away briskly and took a deep breath and laughed to myself loudly... i was standing on the corner ready to cross the street... and out of nowhere the angel baby comes again and runs to me and grabs on to me... and i hear her grandmother laughing. ya Allah. thank You for sending me a teacher through this child and helping my veiled heart absorb this lesson.

every time i impose negativity on myself for no reason, i will think of this child - who distracted me from my own stupidity, long enough to give me some sense.